People will take over your life if you let them.
How do they do it?
Step 1: They begin by taking over your time.
- When they send a message in one place to say they’ve left a message for you in another place, you know you’re really in trouble. Watch out!
Step 2: They continue by asserting their priorities over yours.
- One hour after asking for something: “Have you had a chance to look at that yet?” Do not mistake urgent for important.
Step 3: They assume they know better than you do.
- Most of the time when someone says something will help you, what they mean is “This will help me, but let’s pretend it helps you too.”
Step 4: When you decline to give in to the demands, they’ll attempt to make you feel bad.
- “I’m not sure why you’d say no to this great opportunity.”
- “I really need your help to ensure this project succeeds.”
Sometimes, we let people take over our lives by entrusting judgment to them. We assume that other people know better than we do. We assume that other people’s priorities are more important than ours.
Sometimes we are wrong.
We should stop that.
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You could call this “Learning to say No” as well.
On the flip side – I had my emails (about 8 over a period of 2 years) totally ignored by a person in leadership above me – it was hurtful in that it served to knock down my confidence. Only after I left did I find out that my emails never got through this person’s “human filter” So on occasion – now – I will send a message in one place and a note in another saying I sent the email- just in case there is someone over protective of their boss – hope that is not controlling of time if that is all I do
This is a great point, Chari! I think confirming something is much different than what this post is about. Thanks for your insight!
Holy moly do you have my desk bugged!?! So if the answer is yes to these points what does one do–and keep her job?
Wendy, promise – there was no surveillance equipment used to research this. Sounds like it hit home with you, though! I think the key is learning to draw healthy boundaries by graciously saying “no” sometimes.
don’t make me come over there Scott….
David, I’m pretty sure I can’t make you do anything. If I could, I’d sell my secrets to other inquiring minds.